just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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