i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
