the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
