Will you blow on my dice?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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