New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
two words: eviction party
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
