how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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