I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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