oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it glows. i had to have it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
