A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
