dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
