I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
