Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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