Fuck appropriateness.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
