You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
