Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
