so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
