I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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