You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
