kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it's like heaven, but drunker
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
