I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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