My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
