9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
