he shaved USA in his pubs
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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