If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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