He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
