He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
