Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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