My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
