Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
