My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
