I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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