woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize