i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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