I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize