is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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