$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
