I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
