put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
