I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
