My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
