Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
