you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
