I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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