I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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