My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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