I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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