Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
