the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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