Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
