I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
