Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
