lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
