Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
