he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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