I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
