sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
