just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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