It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
