PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
