these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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