there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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