Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
