Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
